Archive for July 19th, 2010

Married life is steeped in secrecy. When people are dating, they are open (somewhat) to talking about their love lives, infidelity issues, insecurities, and so forth. The ring goes on the finger and all disclosure ceases. And when they do speak about their marriages, it’s hard for an outsider to tell what’s truth and what’s spin. Seriously, married couples are probably more secretive than the Freemasons. I think part of the issue is because married couples get advice all the time from family, friends, neighbors, co-workers and strangers. There is so much advice available it’s hard to determine what to listen to and what to let go in one ear and out the other. Everyone has an opinion on how you can ensure a successful marriage. With the avalanche of unwanted advice, of course they’ll simply keep mum on it all.

I think another reason married couples are so secretive is because there is so much more at stake. You can fail at work, friendships and youthful relationships. Failing at marriage, unfortunately, is more devastating, more crippling and more people, example kids, are affected. My third guess is that married couples feel a need to be secretive because of this paranoia (real or imagined), that everyone outside the marriage wishes you ill. This is particularly common among African marriages. The minute you’re married, you feel everyone, particularly your single friends, just want you to fail. So why provide anyone the fodder to drag you down?

In any case, somehow, I managed to find a few couples willing to talk and provide us with minuscule insight into their marriages. Putting this blog together has been challenging. Trust married couples to give me a tough time. I started the search last year after the ‘Women Tell All’ blog and found five couples. One couple dropped out really quickly, and then I lost another couple along the way. Now down to three, digging information out of the husbands was more like searching for life on the Sun, impossible. I really had no control here. The men just wouldn’t talk! I barely got syllables from them, but the women went on and on and on… Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. It’s official.

Here’s a little glimpse into the married lives of Dede and Chief, Goldie and Edem, and Tikki and Kay.

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