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Facebook Dating
Over the last few months, I’ve had quite a number of friends and relatives tell me they met their significant others on Facebook. Each time someone says that, I pause and wonder; Facebook? How does anyone meet someone worthwhile on Facebook? How does it happen? A stranger sends someone a message and then they reply and go from there? Is it through commenting on mutual friends’ pages? Is it through Facebook groups? I’ve never understood this Facebook dating concept mainly because I can’t picture how it happens.
I can’t imagine building a friendship or even a relationship with someone I don’t know on Facebook. And that’s also because of the kinds of messages and solicitations I get. They are just plain hilarious (see sample below). Each time I read one of these messages, I wonder, does this guy really think I am going to reply, or call? As he typed those words and hit send, did he really, truly expect that I’d smile and go, aww how sweet? So far, the messages I get have just been comic relief – makes me laugh every now and then.
I saw Catfish (one of the best movies of 2011) a little over a month ago and it was jarring. In this movie, a photographer starts a Facebook friendship with a young talented painter and her family – her older sexy sister, her equally sexy mother and even her brother and a whole host of other friends. I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone, but if you’ve seen Catfish then you know that Facebook relationships with strangers can be intriguing and exciting but also scary and troubling. Between Catfish and the random guys who send me messages, I really can’t picture how people find love and lasting relationships on Facebook. How does it happen? What am I missing? Am I just not attracting the right kinds?
Despite my own hesitation, Facebook relationships are growing. Facebook dating isn’t as structured and purposeful as online dating sites such as eharmony and match.com but its growing pretty fast and some professional matchmatchers and relationship gurus claim in less 10 years Facebook may be the go-to site for dating. I’m a skeptic – big time, but I am also open to learning and understanding what this new trend is all about. And since I have close to 4000 “friends” on Facebook I wonder if my guy is somewhere on my friends list. Right now, I doubt it because so far the messages I get are kinda lame (no offense to anyone). So people help me out. If you’re in a relationship which started on Facebook, please share your story. I am honestly very curious. For those I personally know, all they say is they met on Facebook but they’ve never elaborated how it all started to me. I heard about the latest one last week which is why I’ve decided to come out of my blogging hiatus and write this post. I really want to know, because I have no good examples to think of. As always, you can use a fake name to share your story, but do share. Make a believer out of me 
.
I’ve also decided to post a select few of my messages here. I think my favorite from the list below is ” text your number and get linked up … its important dunt doubt obey.” Obey! Hysterical! For real?? If your message is on here – don’t be offended, think of it as feedback. You honestly need to rethink your strategy. I get about one of these a week, and I end up deleting most of them. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll get one message that will truly knock me off my feet. Until then, I’ll just keep chuckling.
@Boakyewaa. For the offline girl, we’d only done the hello thing at Koala, but I knew of her through a friend, so I emailed her on fb (not friend’s request, which I find intrusive and too rushcoat), introduced myself, and asked her a few simple questions I knew she wouldn’t mind responding to (it was very mundane but friendly). There was never a “can I have your number/be your friend.” Too many people don’t let that stuff happen naturally. After several exchanges, she added me, then we finally met and started hanging out.
@Mike – No Ghanaians have no macking skills? Lololol, thats funny and kinda true. Such a shame though. So this person you met offline, how did you make the initial contact on FB? Did you just send her a message? Write on her wall? What vibes did you use huh? Lolol
@Mikey-Mike,my other eye is my lazy eye
@KC, wow, thats the kinda story I am looking for. Met on FB and got married? And all because he rated her as very pretty? Wow. I can’t imagine giving any guy the time of day because he votes for my looks or something. What else did he do or say??
My friend met his wife on facebook. There used to be a rate me page and he thought she was pretty so he rated her a very high score and a few back and forth emails later, they moved it from facebook to emails, texts and phone calls and the rest is history. They are happily married with 3 kids now!
Miss B, 2 guys mention your sexy eye.
Whats up with that? You other eye aint sexy enough?
Good for your friends that they met their partners on FB. I’m not on it cos the game is too easy there. Anyone can find love there or get played just like everywhere else. Probability of each happening is higher because of the congregation size.
Does first meeting the person offline, but making initial contact on fb (or whatever social medium) count as fb dating, too? I briefly dated a Ghanaian (a blogger, no less) who I met online, so it is possible. Also, bear in mind online dating has existed well before fb. It’s just been transfered from AIM, Msn Messenger, YIM, ICQ, chat rooms…on to Friendster, Myspace, and now FB. I used to stay up late at boarding school during the late 90s IMing an Aussi ‘friend’ I never got to meet.
Your problem is, I imagine the men writing you are mostly Ghanaian, and most Ghanaian men have no macking skills. And I suspect most of the junk you get are from men troving fb and sending out these cut-n-paste form notes in the hopes someone writes back (I’ve witnessed a few at cafes by teenagers!).