Unspoken Words

Josh sat behind his new Mac computer staring forlornly at the screen. He wasn’t thinking about the $2300 he had recently spent on the laptop. He wasn’t thinking about the report that was pending that he had to write. No, he wasn’t thinking about any of his pressing obligations. He was staring at her picture and thinking about her.

Josh stared at his ex-girlfriend’s face and felt a pang of pain and regret, and it was getting worse with each passing day. And that was mainly thanks to Facebook.

They’d gone their separate ways years ago. When they broke up 10 years ago, he was sure it was over. They’d tried to stay friends. There had been a few random hook ups, sporadic periods of long online chats and text conversations, and rarely some phone calls. Close to two years ago, the communication had dwindled but that hadn’t bothered him much. He was over her, had been over her for years. There were no lingering feelings. He was done with it all. He lived a very active life, especially socially. There was always something happening. He didn’t have time to brood. He’d probably dated at least four women since their break and slept with countless more. She was never on his mind, not until now anyways.

Almost two years, they connected on Facebook. In the beginning, she was barely on there and so he didn’t think about her or wonder what she was up to. But over the last year, the activity on her page had surged. There was always some party she was at, some pictures with friends and boys, some mysterious status updates and changes. She looked happy, she looked blissful; she looked good. He’d started looking forward to alerts that involved her, mainly out of curiosity, but now it had become something more.

He didn’t know how it happened, or when exactly, but he realized he was missing her all over again, wanting to be a part of her life, part of her pictures, part of her story. And that feeling was troubling him.  Josh abhorred sappiness. He was a tough guy. He didn’t love easy, but when he did, it was strong and overwhelming. He had loved her that same way, with an intensity that he couldn’t control, that had broken him when it all ended. But he’d moved on pretty quickly. For years after they broke up, he’d never wanted her back or needed her. He had moved on. What the heck was happening to him now?

He turned his gaze away from the screen, from the picture of her and a rather good looking guy, hugging tightly. He stood up and walked around his room, frustrated with himself. He was involved with another woman, two actually, so why did she keep creeping into his head. Was it just because of the pictures? Did he really miss her? He’d thought about removing her from his Facebook friends, but that would be rude and she’d wonder and probably confront him. He couldn’t think of anything else he could possibly do. He wasn’t sure if these were real feelings or just his heart and mind playing games on him. Maybe this was nothing serious, nothing to panic about.

Besides, she was all the way in London, and he was here, in the US. Why was he worried? But he knew he couldn’t fool himself much longer. He missed her. He really missed her. There was no denying that.

“Hey Josh, did you get the link I sent you, with the hotels?”

He turned towards the door at the sound of his roommate’s voice.