Video Blog – The Mystery of True Friendships
Yvette and Ruby have known each other for a lifetime, 20 years, and have never ever said to each other – I never want to speak to you again (I say it at least once a year). I suck at friendships, badly. When I get to heaven, I’m not sure I can explain my failure at friendships. I think their Gayle/Oprah-like friendship is remarkable, which is why I jumped at the opportunity to talk to them about what has kept them together for 20 years.
In a few days, double trouble (Yvette and Ruby) will be facing a long separation – Yvette is moving back home to Ghana and Ruby is about to begin a New York adventure – but before then, they provide us with a little insight into their unique relationship (on the left is Ruby and on the right is Yvette).
Female friendships, in particular, are mysterious and complex. They can be as challenging as marriage. And the ‘secret ingredient’ to sustaining true loyal female friendships can be shared but difficult to replicate. Marissa Buchanan and Ann Curry of NBC once did a series, Female Friendships You Can Rely On and their article states ‘There are a whole host of studies that show having friends you can rely on will benefit you in the end. It sounds simple, but it’s true! Friends can help you cope with stress, live longer and be successful.’ And the article concludes that friends are not only crucial to success but can save your life in more ways than one.
That made me feel bad and guilty. It’s like over the last three weeks, I have been hit with an influx of friend messages, even from Daily Bread and Our Daily Journey with God, and some of them have been back to back! So what is it, that makes this important and necessary social concept of friendship so hard? I can’t define what true friendship means. I could use a succession of adjectives like how the Divas and Goons described Love. Or maybe it’s like what one of the Goons said about Love, ‘its two people in a village who don’t know anything else, and believe the other is the ideal friend.’ That it? The Bible uses David and Jonathan to describe true friendship. That is probably the ideal of the ideal, plus they were men.
I found a really interesting, deep and biblical article that talks about the concept of true friendship - True Friendship – Trust and Time. I love the article from top to bottom, because it provides pretty sensible and insightful definitions of true friendship. ‘How can we recognize potential friendship? Signs include a mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. True friendship involves relationship. Those mutual attributes we mentioned above become the foundation in which recognition transpires into relationship. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.’ The article also adds that true friendship involves trust, faithfulness, loyalty and accountability. Wonderful.
I could do more research, and come up with more definitions, more stories and examples. True friendship boils down to a lot of factors and can’t probably be defined or analyzed in one blog, NBC news series, books or articles. Its a learning process probably, but there are also a couple of things that Ruby and Yvette said that stuck out for me. 1. Its not that serious, take life easy, relax, and enjoy each other. 2. Bottom line, you get to choose the people you associate with. Its all up to you who you call your friend.
Is everyone meant to have a bff (best friend for life)? Just as there are nuns and Catholic priests who will never have husbands or wives, maybe it’s okay to be a solo traveler in the friendship world? What are your experiences with friends? And guys, this isn’t a girl-only blog. Your own experiences with guy friends and your observations of female friendships would be helpful! I just hope I’m not the only who’s been struggling with the whole ‘friend’ thing!