In Circles, Rabbie’s biggest problem is her inability to let go. So she makes the same mistakes with the same people over and over again. And honestly, Rabbie isn’t the only one. I’ve gotten quite a number of girls who’ve either read the book or read parts of it call, text or email and say, ‘dang, I thought I was reading about myself.’ So what is it? Why is it so hard to let go of old or current flames, people we love who’ve moved on or don’t feel the same. I’ll go out on a limb here and say for each woman, there is probably one guy (or more) that you just can’t seem to let go off.

On Thanksgiving Day, I drove 10 hours from Atlanta to Virginia, and there is nothing else you can do for ten hours than to listen to heartbreak music and think. And this is all I thought of – why is it so bloody hard to let go of people? And just when you believe deeply you’re done, you’ve moved on, you end up right back where you started, either with the same person or someone just like him.

Whatever the reasons may be, whoever the person may be, letting go of someone you love (past or present) and have strong feelings for is a very hard thing to do. It’s a daily struggle and it’s never easy. When love comes into play, its like welded metal. You can’t just pry it apart, you just have to break it. We hold onto an elusive thought or hope that tomorrow, he will see us for who we are, see our hearts and proclaim, ‘gosh I love her and want to be with her.’ That’s a dream. Who are we kidding?

I think that’s it – women, we unfortunately kid ourselves. We know when a man is interested in something serious with us and when he isn’t. We know, but we pretend we don’t. We pretend we don’t see what’s right in front of us, what’s clear as day. And honestly, most often, it’s clear as day.

Love isn’t always logical or easy to control. Sometimes you meet someone, and there is just a connection that you can’t always put into words. You like his style, his intelligence and his very being. Good guy or bad boy, you just like him. Whatever your reasons may be, you just want to be with him. He is your one. Unfortunately, he doesn’t feel the same way. He does care about you though. You’re his friend. He calls you, he’s there for you, and for as long as you let him, he’ll be there. But he doesn’t love you and you are not his one. No matter the fleeting moments when he looks at you a certain way, or hugs you too tight, or even kisses you, you’re still not his one. Even if he sleeps with you, on a consistent basis, you know you’re still not his one. And yet you keep waiting – waiting for him to have some epiphany that never comes. You’re there, the long suffering non-girlfriend. And no matter what other people say, no matter who tries to throw cold water on your dream, you clasp tightly to your dream, your imagination and your twisted reality. When you’re alone at night, you pause for a minute and question why you still hold on. When you’re alone at night, and you reflect on what you just saw at the club, your love hugging another girl just as tight. And you wonder, what are you doing? You need to let go. It’s a sad and unfortunate situation, but if he really loved you, as much as you love him, he would be with you. There is no doubt about it. A year turns to three, then five, and you’re still there, still waiting and hoping that he will wake up and realize you’re his true love. You need to let go.

Sometimes the reason why we hold on isn’t always our fault, isn’t always our illusion. Sometimes, he knows how you feel, but he still says and does some things that keep you around. He drives by at night, and talks to you, and shares his life with you. He’s touchy, flirty and even physical and more. You’re part of his clique, part of his circle. His friends know who you are, just as they know who the others are. Even worse, he may actually act like you’re in a relationship, but he doesn’t admit that to everyone. He’s not quite there 100%. And it’s like he’s waiting for something else, someone better suited to his needs. So until then, you can be the temporary girlfriend.

It’s tough, for sure. But if we’re truly honest, we will be able to see through the clutter and determine what’s real and what’s not. Some psychologists claim that the most painful experience in life is letting go of someone you love. Some people callously and coldly think that if you’re not in a relationship with the person and if he never said he loved you, why is it so hard to let go? None of that counts. Love doesn’t have to be reciprocated for it to be less intense. However hard it may be, it’s not impossible though. It will be slow, but it can be done. In a demented way, loving someone who doesn’t love you back can become a routine that you rely on. You think about them, you worry about them, you care about them, you have fun with them. What will you do if you let all that go? And after you’ve spent years pining hopelessly for someone, it becomes like an investment and you’re scared to let go. You feel you’re almost there. You think, how can you completely let it all go after 10 years when that’s all you’ve thought about? You feel you’ve wasted time and it’s too late to start from scratch. So you just keep holding on.

According to Cody Hodge, a blogger and writer, ‘when you let go of someone you love, that change is magnified tenfold, and your whole world can change in an instant. It can be a scary thing to have to face the world without someone that you have loved for so long. However, you can get through it, and one day accept that the change has happened, and when change happens, new doors open up for you’.

Cody also added that, ‘One of the things that you have to do when you know that you have to let go of someone you love, is to surround yourself with other people you can count on. If you have something to do, you can take your mind off of the fact that you lost something, and that you have a lot to be thankful for in your life still.’

Bottom line, he doesn’t love you back. You know that, don’t you? He’s not the one for you, and somewhere in your heart and your mind, you know this to be true. But unfortunately, like all your other friends who’ve told you, you won’t listen to me, and you won’t listen to your poor tired heart. What can I say? I’ve been there. I know how hard it is and I know how you feel. So I wish y’all luck and I pray you get the strength to let go, soon.

What’s your story? What do you think? Why is it so hard for you to let go?