Sexual Lessons – Tag Post With ‘Adventures From the Bedroom of an African Woman’

My cousin Nana Darkoa has a radical and enlightening blog called Adventures from the Bedroom of an African Woman that I’m a huge fan of. A lot of people tell me they live vicariously through my blogs. Well, I live vicariously through Nana’s revolutionary blog. Adventures From is a forum for African women to share tips and experiences about sex and sexuality. It’s about time, honestly. So Nana and I decided to do a collabo about sex. I haven’t written about sex since my second post last April 2009, ‘Let’s Talk About Sex,’ so I think it’s about time I tackled the subject again. Our collabo is about sexual lessons, what we have learnt from our sexual experiences.

What’s the use of bumbling through life if you’re not learning a thing or two? Likewise, what’s the use of having sex if you’re not learning something? Sex is a discovery experience. I’m not sure anyone is born a Don Juan. And even if you memorize the Kuma Sutra from cover to cover, pics and words won’t make you a pro. It’s practice. Knowledge and experience gives you sexual power. So why not share?

Sometimes sex can be a total waste of time. Sometimes it is disappointing beyond words and you just can’t believe how useless it was. I think maybe another time, Nana and I will do a blog on ‘what not to do in bed’ because to me, with a little effort, the disappointing chaps could have been on this list. What’s worse about bad sex is if it’s with a good-looking guy who ‘believes’ himself. Totally annoying, makes you want to put a post-it on his forehead that says – Dude, you suck, bad! But that’s a rant for another day.

In any case, this list is for those who left an impact, taught us something, opened our eyes to something. This is my version and I also polled other people for their top lessons. This is a random list, so try not to figure stuff out. Check out Adventures from the Bedroom of an African Woman for Nana’s version.

Guy: Screamers give the worst experience and are a nightmare if it’s a man’s 1st time. Tongue, hands, lips are amazing, probably better at pleasing a woman if you’ve learnt your art form and taken time out to learn what thrills your woman. And if you do it right, she reciprocates 10 fold!!

Girl: Guys don’t always come. When you’re young, you’re made to believe that they do, but no, it can take them forever or they don’t come at all. Frustrating, and I don’t know if the problem is me or him.

Girl: Ice, ice baby! I never knew ice had such a crazy effect! This is my best discovery to date. Astonishing, really. So this guy wanted to give me a full body massage. I wasn’t ready to sleep with him but I figured a massage couldn’t hurt. So he started by giving me a thorough and deep massage with scented cream, and then he got ice and started melting drops onto my back, legs and inner thigh. It was incredible. But wait, I’m not done. He inserted the ice up my you know what. More or less, he effed me with the ice! It was mind-blowing. I had my first full orgasm in years. I don’t know where he learnt it but what he did with that ice was just plain incredible. A few weeks later, because he was so good with the foreplay bit I figured he’d be sensational with the actual deed. Dude was the worst lay of my life. WTF?

Guy: Size is overrated! Unless of course she’s been bonking a horse!

Girl: I’ve learnt size matters. I’m sorry, a lot of guys will argue it doesn’t but please don’t be fooled. We ‘tolerate’ the less endowed men because we love you. But honestly, size matters. A woman needs to feel full, feel taken over. If I can barely feel you, doesn’t matter how great you are at moving your waist or how good you are at going down on me. Sounds harsh? Just the truth. I may come thanks to your hands and lips, and whatever other instruments, but not your tiny ‘pepe’. Don’t go rushing to buy male enhancement drugs though! We still love you.

Girl: Never fake an orgasm. Yeah sometimes we fake it cause we don’t wanna offend the guy (well I did sometimes) or cause you’re just not feeling it so once they think you’ve come they come too and then it can all be over. Well I learnt not to do that cause then you rob yourself of a nice experience. You know both of you are supposed to enjoy it. And before you sleep with someone you should be comfortable with the person. Comfy enough to be able to say ”You know what, I didn’t really get there (after he comes which he surely will) so can we do something else to help me get there too?” And then go on and suggest stuff like finger stimulating the clit etc, something that you know always gets you there. If you can’t do that with the guy you’re sleeping with then you shouldn’t be sleeping with him in the first place.

Guy: Women are liking vibrators these days. I was hesitant to use a toy on a woman, because I felt it meant I couldn’t do the trick. But a friend suggested it’s a good addition so I gave it a shot. It was fantastic. It got me worked up too. By using it, I got to see what makes her tick, how deep she wanted it, how fast. The vibrator helped me adapt my style. And in the end, she loved it so, hey I’m good. It’s just unfortunate those toys are so huge! Can’t they make medium sized vibrators?

Girl: Don’t be shy in bed, guys (well some guys) like women who are confident and can rock their world as much as they rock ours. Be expressive, if he’s hurting you say so, if he needs to slow down tell him!! I know most guys don’t dig any girl who just lies down and takes it. So be expressive!! I’ve had experiences where a guy was busy slamming into me and all I could think of was OMG what the fuck is he doing (no pun intended). After that you can hardly pee or sit and all I had to do was find a nice way of telling the fool to slow down. Lololol.

Girl: This dude who’s like my ‘friend with benefit’ keeps coming back for more. So eventually I asked him what’s so good about our sex? And he said it’s because I participate, I don’t just lie there and take it. (do people still lie there and just take it?) Ever since he said that, I’ve upped my participation even more. And that starts with foreplay. I don’t let him do all the work. It’s a give and take process. I make sure he’s completely and absolutely dying for me before penetration. And during sex, I give it my all. Hey, once he’s in there, throw all inhibitions out the window. Just have fun, regret it later.

Girl: What have I learnt? I don’t come. I don’t know. It just doesn’t happen. I’ve learnt to enjoy sex without it, but lately I want that feeling, on a regular basis. I can count on both hands how many times I’ve had an orgasm with a man. I manage it fine on my own, but once a man is in there, it rarely happens. So for me, I’ve learnt to enjoy just the act of sex or I’d go crazy. An orgasm to me is like a black woman becoming President of the United States. Who am I kidding?

Guy: I know we (guys) keep saying women are frigid. But we’re partly to blame. So I met this girl, and I thought she couldn’t do jack. But when I started opening up to her about stuff I like, she started opening up too. I’ve learnt that sex is about communication. It’s up to us to make the women feel comfortable enough to talk. We have to set the mood. Some guys just scare women off, she’s afraid to tell you she likes this or that because she’ll get labeled. I don’t do that. It’s a skill. You gotta know who likes crude sex convos and who likes the sweet talking. The point is to just try and get her relaxed and comfortable enough to talk about what she wants. But then again, I do that if I really like you.

So what have you learnt? Feel free to share. It’s been a while. Let’s jist :)